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| Delicious-looking horse from Debatingeurope.eu - |
I’ve never willingly
eaten horse, but it turns out that I have consumed at least some.
Thankfully my diet isn’t depressing enough to include Findus ready-made lasagne
(a mouth-watering 100%
horse), but I have enjoyed Ikea
meatballs before. However, the amount I actually consumed was so miserably small
it’s only been described as “traces.”
Yes, it’s a travesty
that companies are able to lie to us about the things we’re eating, blah blah
blah, but the solution (take-everything-off-the-shelves-RIGHT-NOW) is a little
disappointing. Obviously it’s not great for religious people who have some
2,000 year old grudge against horses, but maybe if god is going to sodomise you
with a lightning bolt for disobeying his dietary rules it’s better to pay some fucking attention to where your
food comes from. Do they really think these companies care about their outdated
religious ideals? For all they know, Findus could dip everything they sell in
pig’s blood just to add a bit of weight. If it isn’t listed on the ingredients,
how is anyone going to know? Do religious people test for pig and horse DNA
before they eat anything?
I’m in favour of a
much simpler solution: just eat the damn horse! All it would take is a little
change to the packaging: “may contain horse,” or even better: “100% premium
horsemeat.”
Because really, who cares?
I am yet to speak to any meat-eater who is actually opposed to eating horse.
Granted, I’m virtually a hermit, so using this internet thing I found out that sales
of frozen burgers almost
halved as a result of the “scandal.” I’d hope that this is because of the
general uncertainty about what we’re consuming, because having a problem with
eating horse if you’re not a vegetarian/vegan makes about as much sense as
somebody refusing to eat carrots for moral reasons. Especially if they still
murder thousands of innocent onions.
Some people must have actually
liked eating horse. One thing you can say with some certainty is that people
who eat ready meals are more interested in convenience than seeking out new
culinary sensations, so they’ll probably have stocked up on Findus lasagnes
regularly. They tried it, liked it, and kept buying it. Now, just because we
found out some little clip-cloppy horses got minced up in the mixture, they’re
being cut off! I can only imagine it's like going without your usual midday rock of crack.
The entire thing has literally
left me wanting to eat horse. I’ve never been interested before, but because of
the furore it’s starting to actually bother me that I don’t know what horse
even tastes like. It’s a delicacy in Japan,
it was the original version of steak tartare in France (it’s become cool again in Paris
since the media have been in a flap about it) and I’m really starting to wish
it was available in the supermarkets.
Maybe not in microwave lasagne form (but if you’re interested, people have been
selling
them on eBay), but as steaks or burgers it could be amazing.
It’s by far less
disgusting than other things we eat, like mechanically
recovered chicken, which looks like strawberry Angel Delight. They basically
crush the chicken carcass into oblivion and then dress up the blood-stained,
vomit-inducing mess that comes out the other end. Enjoy the hot dogs.
As for my curiosity –
it’s happening. Obviously it’s still legal to eat in the UK (when labelled correctly,
of course). You can buy it at exoticmeats.co.uk and I’m
going for it. It’s nice to feel safe and comfortable with your supplier. The “Horse
Burgers” page helpfully states:
IMPORTANT NOTICE: All
of our horse burgers contain horse meat, we do not add beef to our horse
burgers.
Thank
god none of those filthy cows will be in my burger.
